Power Rankings: Week 5
Five weeks in and the standings are a mess. One of us is still hunting for a win, and another is undefeated (who could that be?).
Don’t forget, these rankings are final, objective, and beyond criticism.
Let’s get into it. Week 6 awaits!
1. Kyle (3-2)
Last Week’s Ranking: 2nd
Mr. Fitzgerald has cleared 130 points in three of five weeks, which is enough to hand our groom-to-be the coveted top spot. When George Pickens is arguably your WR4 behind JSN, Parker Washington, and Matthew Golden, you’re not building a roster, you’re hoarding stars. Bhayshul Tuten deserves some love - the TDs haven’t shown up yet, but 15+ touches a week in an excellent offense is all you can ask of an RB. The modest 3-2 record is the only thing standing between Harwood and fantasy domination, and a few more 130s should fix that right up.
2. Devon (4-1)
Last Week’s Ranking: 1st
I’m officially declaring Devon’s 2018 championship hangover over! James Cook and Derrick Henry have become a touchdown vending machine, combining for 13 TDs through five weeks. Then there’s the battered and bruised Mike Evans, the first true star X receiver the Niners have rolled out since T.O., something Austin and I have been screaming from the rooftops for 15 years. Devon, please don’t take the one-spot drop personally. At 4-1, this is very much a team to be reckoned with.
3. Cole (3-2)
Last Week’s Ranking: 3rd
Jahmyr Gibbs has 9 TDs and it’s not even close to November - that’s all there is to say. He’s a cheat code, and Cole will be telling stories about this season for decades to come, probably unprompted. Week 6 is going to sting, with Gibbs and Jettas both on bye and Montgomery and Deebo sitting out with a pair of lower-body injuries. That makes the upcoming matchup with Case a huge one. Meanwhile, Caleb Williams is reportedly nearing a return, so Cole has to decide whether to stay in the flames with Bryce Young (the current QB7) or go back to Caleb, the fantasy version of getting back with your ex. A true conundrum of former first overall picks!
4. Tom (5-0)
Last Week’s Ranking: 8th
I’m beginning to think I was put on this earth for fantasy football. It’s my purpose. Even when I’m not in love with the team, the wins come in bunches. Jayden Daniels returned in a big way, because who needs a functioning elbow when you can gallop for 100+ yards and two scores? Kyren Williams may be the most dependable RB1 in football, and Davante Adams’ nose for the end zone is untouchable even as the second fiddle to Puka Nacua. The RB depth is horrendous and the bench is shallower than a kiddie pool, and I’m still not wading in. At some point those holes are going to get exposed. It’s time to make a deal.
5. Chet (4-1)
Last Week’s Ranking: 6th
Auf Wiedersehen, world traveler! The Bengals QB/WR stack paid dividends yet again, and Trey McBride is something else. Imagine what he’d be in a top-ten offense. Actually, don’t, it’s too sad. The backfield is still a concern, especially now that Quinshon Judkins has been spotted in a walking boot. Thankfully, Monty’s groin injury opens the door for Woody Marks! And before Chet attacks me for ranking a 4-1 team fifth in the power rankings, allow me to point out that you two have rattled off three straight wins without topping 100 points. Oh, and you’ve topped triple digits exactly once all season. So yeah, shush.
6. Brad (3-2)
Last Week’s Ranking: 4th
The most notable performance on this roster belonged to Drake Maye, who spent the week on the bench looking like a QB1 again, because of course he did. Addison’s dad now has the leading MVP candidate and last year’s runner-up at the same position. Decisions, decisions, decisions! Somewhere, a coin is being flipped. Elsewhere, TreVeyon Henderson rolled an ankle, CeeDee Lamb picked up a gnarly charley horse, and Ladd remained sidelined. More on CeeDee - he went from 17 catches on 21 targets in Week 4, to under 10 yards in Week 5. Grab the plunger. Let’s flush this one and move on.
7. Case (2-3)
Last Week’s Ranking: 5th
Week 5 was a tale of four strong performances and five duds. CMC keeps doing his thing, Garrett Wilson has been excellent all season outside of Week 4, and TJ Warren posted his best game of the year. Sean Payton drives me nuts, and I have to imagine Case feels the same way: Denver handed Waddle an $85 million contract, and he has topped 40 yards exactly once. Kenneth Walker is coming off his bye, and not a moment too soon! On deck is a monumental matchup with Cole that could drastically shake up the standings, so clear your calendar.
8. Austin (2-3)
Last Week’s Ranking: 10th
Ahhhhhhhhhh, there it is. There’s the lineup Austin has been yearning for since draft day, or at least close to it. He can finally exhale. In my book Puka is the WR1 when healthy, and he proved it on MNF. Brock Bowers is probably the same at the TE position. Jameson Williams finally popped off with two scores, and even the three RBs found pay dirt on Sunday. Austin managed to survive despite an injury-ridden start, and at 2-3 the playoffs are still well within reach. At full health, we need to fear this roster’s upside.
9. Pete (1-4)
Last Week’s Ranking: 7th
4th in scoring, 1 win to show for it. Jaylen Warren is picking up steam in a big way, and the ATL offense is better than anyone could have hoped, which admittedly was a low bar. The only problem is that nobody else is showing up, like the world’s worst group project. Jeremiyah Love has been a supreme disappointment, and Courtland Sutton has yet to post a double-digit game. The bigger issue is that Pete’s opponents are averaging 137 PPG. I’m not in law enforcement, but that feels like cruel and unusual punishment.
10. Ryan (2-3)
Last Week’s Ranking: 9th
Let’s check in on the infirmary! The Javonte Williams acquisition has paid off so far with four TDs in two weeks, and Emmanuel Wilson looks like a lineup lock until Charbs and Price return from injury. Of course, Ryan lost Achane for the year along with multi-week absences from Rashee Rice and Breece Hall, so why not toss in a Will Shipley IR stint for good measure? Just insane. Hope isn’t lost at 2-3, but it feels like two of the following need to happen: Tyreek Hill signs somewhere and becomes startable, Josh Jacobs is cleared from the Commissioner’s Exempt list and reclaims RB1 value, or Jordan Tyson becomes a viable FLEX. No one needs a shot in the arm more than Ry Guy.
11. Bacich & Reese (1-4)
Last Week’s Ranking: 11th
Like a Rubix cube, I can’t figure this team out. Zay Flowers is a stud, Scary Terry had a nice return from injury, and Ole Man Aaron Jones is spinning back the odometer. Even the bench is producing, just look at Ollie Gordon and Braelon Allen! So it’s shocking that the deepest team in the league finds itself on the verge of fantasy bankruptcy. Like owning every fast food joint in town and still going hungry. It’s easy to blame Omarion Hampton, whose second-round draft capital has torpedoed more rosters than a German U-boat.
12. Hank (0-5)
Last Week’s Ranking: 12th
It wasn’t all bad, but it was pretty bad. Bucky had the game of his career, and Christian Watson is making the CMC trade look prudent, especially if Saquon can return next week. I don’t want to be a backseat driver, but it’s time to move on from Herby, and I say that with love and also a shovel. Tet returns from his BYE, and maybe Maserati Marv can reclaim some of his collegiate value in his new Houston home. Hank is walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and I’m afraid this traveler won’t make it out alive if he can’t pick up a win over Bradley in Week 6.
